About Joanna Track
Four years ago, Sweetspot.ca Founder Joanna Track settled down with her darling husband and his two adorable young boys. She’s since added “new mom” to her long list of achievements with the addition of baby Teddy. Check back weekly for her tales of sweet family life.
The Parent Trap
me and my boys canada
(Dec.04.09)
The scariest thing happened to me the other day. I became my mother. I swore it would never happen, and I’m still in denial that it happened, but it happened.
I might not have even noticed until I heard myself speaking to my stepson, admonishing him for his new style choices (flat caps and low riding jeans). Suddenly I heard myself say “Why do you need those silly clothes? Just because everyone else wears them doesn’t mean you have to.” Aghhhhh! What has become of me???
It’s not that I don’t love my mother. I do, very much. But after years of coping with the push-pull, love-hate spectrum of our relationship, I thought I had finally found my happy place. And then I had children.
When I welcomed my stepsons into my life, it forced me to re-evaluate my experiences growing up as a child of divorce. In some ways it allowed me to have a greater appreciation for what my parents went through (how my mom took care of three kids under six -- while working and keeping her house in order -- I still can’t figure out). On the other hand, seeing how my husband went to such great lengths to stay amicable with his ex-wife created a renewed bitterness towards my parents for not taking the high road and trying to get along for the sake of their children (it’s never fun to be the pawn in your parents pissing match).
And with the birth of baby Teddy came another tidal wave of emotions. There are times that I look at my baby and mandate how “I will do it better than they did.” And yet there are the other times when I imagine how they were when I was young and all I can think is “Wow, how’d they do it?”
I’ve had this on my mind a lot lately, and then the other day I came across a great article on this very topic. It was actually on Gwyneth Paltrow’s weekly blog, GOOP (I’m not usually a big fan of her updates, but this one struck me). It just seemed to articulate all the random, sometimes contradictory thoughts and feelings I have towards my parents, and how it now impacts me as a parent.
I think what it boils down to is that we are who we are, both because of, and in spite of, our parents. It is up to us to take what we’ve learned (the good and the bad) and make ourselves and our children better for it. Over the years, I have come to appreciate my parents for who they are, and what they did to mold me and my brothers into the people we are today. I can now also set my expectations of them in a way so as not to be disappointed (they are just people, not super heroes, after all).
But if any of you hear me telling my kids to clean up before the cleaning lady comes, please save me from myself!
On that note…I will take to heart one important lesson my grandmother taught me, which is to head to Florida before it snows. So I will be taking a hiatus from my blog until the new year. Happy holidays to all!
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