Is Your Child A Bully?
ask an expert: bullyingcanada
(Nov.16.10)
I’ve heard rumours that my child is the class bully. How do I address and deal with this issue?
Helen O. emailed us at expert@sweetspot.ca, and Dr. Joanne Cummings answered:
There are many forms of bullying, and many factors that explain why a particular child is bullying at a particular time.
The first thing to do is to educate yourself about bullying and a great place to start is www.prevnet.ca, the Canadian network dedicated to bullying prevention. Research shows that 17 per cent of girls and 35 per cent of boys have bullied others at least once in the last two months. A minority of young people bully others throughout their school careers, and this chronic bullying pattern is a risk factor for serious mental health problems and antisocial development. It is very important to take your child’s bullying behaviour seriously and address it early.
The second thing to do is discuss your concerns with your child's teacher. Because bullying is hidden from adults, the teacher may be unaware of an issue, but he or she is in an ideal position to observe and monitor peer group dynamics. Make plans for ongoing communication with the teacher. Make it clear that you want to work together closely (and constructively) to help your child learn positive relationship skills, such as empathy, acceptance of differences, and respect for the rights of others. Find out what the school is doing about bullying and if necessary, become an advocate for school-wide prevention initiatives. Talk to the other adults in your child’s life who are in a position to observe him/her in a peer group and enlist their help in guiding your child to use social power positively.
The third thing to do is to open the lines of communication with your child about healthy and unhealthy peer relationships. If you know about your child’s involvement in a specific bullying incident, use it as a teachable moment. Try to understand how your child sees the issue. Are they minimizing the problem? Do they see their behaviour as justifiable payback? Are they trying to cope with their own painful feelings by causing pain to others? Help your child understand and appreciate how much it hurts to be on the receiving end of bullying. Ensure that your child understands that key adults will be watching closely for bullying behaviour, and it will not be tolerated. Download Formative Consequences for Children who Bully (Parents) and follow through on the activities suggested.
Dr. Joanne Cummings conducts assessments for behaviour problems, aggressive behaviour, Autism Spectrum Disorder, and unusual patterns of development and provides family-focused treatment and parent counselling. In addition to her clinical work at blueballoon Health Services, Dr. Cummings is the Partnership Manager at PREVNet and a lecturer in the Infant Mental Health Certificate Program at York University.
Thought that was sweet? You'll enjoy:
