Chanelle Gallant, relationship
relationshipscanada
(Mar.27.07)
Natalie R. of Ottawa, Ont. emailed us at asktheexpert@sweetspot.ca: I am a thirty-something, successful and vibrant woman who has kissed so many toads, she’s lost count. I am the reigning queen of first dates. How do I go about meeting the one who wants to stick around for a while? 
...and our relationship expert, Chanelle Gallant answered:
To answer this question, I consulted a few of my formerly-perennially-single-friends, who, after dating a million toads, met their special someone and hooked up for a happily ever after. How’d they do it? What finally worked? Try these two strategies for finding someone who won’t just stick around, but who you’ll want to keep close as well…
Get pickier, sooner. It’s not about getting a second date, it’s about getting the right first date. Go with your gut; if you feel the need to write someone off as not-the-one, then do it. It’s OK if you don’t want to go on a date with everybody. Know what you can and can’t live with. One of my friends knew she wanted an intellectual, so in initial emails she asked obscure questions about “being” and “nothingness” (seriously). She also ruled out anyone still living with their parents (but who could blame her?). Eventually, she found her worthwhile intellectual on an online dating service. So sisters, there’s hope.
Take a break and pursue your own interests. No matter how casual we try to make them, dates are emotionally demanding (What to wear? What if he doesn’t show?). Refocus on the things you love doing with your time, instead of trying to turn every cute-guy prospect into the one. There’s a magic to this – how often have you heard “he came along when I least expected it?” So stop expecting and go take a jewellery-crafting class or solo-trip to New York City, because all that free time will evaporate as soon as “you” becomes a “we.”
Chanelle Gallant is the manager of Good For Her, a women-friendly sex shop and workshop centre in Toronto. She is also a sex educator, writer and psychotherapist. For more information, log on to www.goodforher.com or visit 175 Harbord St.