As much as we'd like to consider ourselves a Samantha, it seems most of the time, our personality type is more similar to Charlotte's. Here to help us spice things up is Josey Vogels. We caught up with Canada's leading sex and relationship expert on a recent media tour courtesy of KY Brand...
What is the best way to subtly mix it up in the bedroom?
- Changing roles. If he always leads, take the lead once in while to shake things up and push both of you out of your comfort zone.
- Sharing fantasies. Telling each other sexy stories or describing sexy scenarios is a great way to spice things up and open up communication.
- Introducing new things is a great way to shake things up. Lube is a really simple, inexpensive way of upping the excitement. We often think of lube as being something we use to deal with dryness, to solve a problem but it can simply make regular sex more exciting. I love KY Yours and Mine because it's made for couples, so everyone feels included and introducing it opens up communication.
For men, who are usually clueless about what women actually want, what are the best ways to romance a woman?
Women like to feel appreciated. A lot of guys underestimate this. Guys think: she knows I love her and appreciate what she does, why do I have to tell her all the time? For the same reason our girlfriends tell us we look great every time we see each other. Women are verbal this way and it’s important. Women also love thoughtful little gestures that show he cares at times other than when he wants sex. Forty per cent of couples in the KY Brand survey said one of the most romantic things someone can do for you is to send a love note. So sending an email or leaving a Post-it on the fridge for your partner lets them know you’re on their mind. Little gestures like this are simple but go a long way to keeping you connected.
And the best ways to romance a man?
Men like to be appreciated as well. When we’ve been with someone for a while we tend to focus on the negative, the things he’s not doing, his shortcomings. Letting him know the little things you appreciate about him, letting him know that he still excites you, are all ways to keep you connected and excited about each other. Showing interest in things that are important to him, even if you’re not all that into it, show him you care about him and what’s important to him.
I’ve heard communication is the key to maintaining a healthy relationship. True or False?
Definitely true but there are ways to communicate that aren’t always about sitting down for the big talk. During really busy stressful times, when making time for your partner can start to feel like another item on the to-do list -- do laundry, pick up dry cleaning, have sex with that guy who's always leaving his socks around my house -- rather than turn it into another to-do, make a point of communicating and connecting in tiny ways every day, compliment each other at least once, stop and look at each other in the eye and smile at each other, run her a bath, little things that remind you that you like each other.
Josey Vogels pens three nationally syndicated sex and relationship columns, is host to Between You and Me on CBC Radio One, and has written five books. Her fourth book, The Secret Language of Girls, has been published in many languages and has been made into a documentary. You can find more information at www.joseyvogels.com.
Thought that was sweet? You'll enjoy:
- Know a sweetmama? Hear what Josey had to say about making time for your partner once you have children.
- Heat things up with a sexy slip