About Sales Director
Jenn Price does not proclaim to be an expert on dating…but her years of practice (and willingness to share stories) will certainly get people talking. Join in the dialogue each week as Jenn tackles matters of the heart.
Dumb doesn’t necessarily mean stupid or clueless (or blonde). It can also mean mute or quiet. Informally, to ‘dumb it down’ can mean to become simpler, or less sophisticated (source: www.dictionary.com).
Being a strong, independent and confident woman usually means having firm opinions based on life experience. Whether or not this can sometimes work against us, has recently become a topic of conversation with my girlfriends.
Let’s play this out for fun:
Boy meets girl. Boy and girl are attracted to each other.
Boy opens mouth to speak. Girl engages in conversation with boy.
Boy talks about his experience travelling the world. So does girl.
Boy mentions that he loves a specific wine. Girl, excited by this topic, shares some of her knowledge and preferences as well.
Boy talks about the way he likes to cook steak. Girl says she loves to grill steak on her gas BBQ, and that her favourite wine pairs perfectly with it. (She stops short of offering to prepare this for him sometime, because she doesn’t want to scare him off, as it’s still early in the courtship.)
Boy mentions the car he drives. Girl states that she likes his car, and shares that she actually just ordered a new one (it just so happens to be slightly higher-end than his).
Do you get my drift? It’s not that the girl is bragging or trying to ‘one-up’ the boy, she's just engaging in conversation and sharing openly (or so she thinks). However, it may not seem that way to the boy.
The dilemma: How do we be ourselves and at the same time, let the guy take the lead (
if that’s what we want)?
Gender roles have become so meshed that it can be tricky not to (appear to) be overbearing. Yet, we don’t want to be uninteresting or submissive. What’s the right balance?
Some argue that at first, this means the girl needs to bite her tongue (a.k.a. dumb it down). A friend of mine recently tried this on a first date. When she normally would have talked more about her taste in wine or her knowledge of cars, she listened more intently to what the guy had to say, rather than flaunting her opinions. They are still dating.
I think some restraint in terms of disclosing information about one’s life, should be used until you get to know and like the non-surface things about each other. It’s got to evolve naturally.
Personally, I strive to establish from the get-go, that no matter how career-minded, worldly or independent I may be, I’d like the man in my life to lead the way, and for my softer side to shine through. So, if that means talking a little less at first, then I’m happy to put my listening skills to the test. (Guess that also means I might have to limit the wine-drinking at first, as that seems to make me more chatty!)
Wouldn’t it be great (and maybe something for reality TV) to have role-playing for dating? Anyone interested?
What are your thoughts about ‘dumbing it down’? Do you prefer for men to take the lead? Have you ever been told that you dominate conversations?