About Sales Director
Jenn Price does not proclaim to be an expert on dating…but her years of practice (and willingness to share stories) will certainly get people talking. Join in the dialogue each week as Jenn tackles matters of the heart.
At what point is it not okay to request that a girlfriend steer clear of a guy you’ve had your eye on?
Admittedly, it would likely be strange if one of my close friends dated someone I was once serious about. (I hope it's an issue I never have to deal with.)
In a city where eligible females outweigh eligible males, women have to look out for their own best interests first, even if it means ruffling the occasional feather. In my opinion, it’s not within the girl code for a woman to claim a man is off limits just because she has been intimate with him in the past, or is presently crushing on (or obsessed with) him.
And let’s face it, if a man wants to date someone badly enough, he will be persistent and won’t accept no for an answer (especially if he senses the woman is interested but holding back). Furthermore, a woman owes it to herself to figure out whether or not she actually wants to pursue anything with someone before writing him off out of fear of igniting drama with another woman.
I was recently called in for advice when a friend of mine found herself in this exact predicament. My advice was to be honest with the other girl, and if she’s a true friend (and if the guy was really not involved with her), then she would understand eventually. The bottom line was that this guy was pursuing my friend, and she deserved to give it a shot. She did, and they are now happily dating.
I once met a guy at a party. He asked me out before I realized it was the same guy that one of my friends had a brief encounter with. (It's a small world, but an even smaller city.) Before I declined, I spoke with her and received the green light to test the waters. While it did feel strange dating someone my friend had been out with, I’m glad I gave it a try. I found out for myself that he wasn’t right for me either.
While such situations are uncomfortable, I stand firm in my belief that it’s inappropriate (not to mention, a disservice) to ask a girlfriend not to date a guy just because you like him. Clearly, if a guy is asking someone else out on a date, he isn’t all that interested in you and it’s best to let go of him, move on and save your friendship.
Have you ever dated someone that a friend had been involved with? Have you ever had a friend date one of your exes? How did you feel and how did you deal with it?