As mentioned in previous posts, I am a Twilight super fan. Besides being generally vampirically inclined since I was a teen (Bram Stoker’s Dracula is a MUST-read for all Twihards), I am also a (bad pun warning!) sucker for a tale of forbidden romance that somehow finds its way.
As a card-carrying member of Team Edward (and by card-carrying I mean the life size Edward cardboard cut-out I hang with on occasion in my basement), I am simply giddy at the prospect of spending another two hours with my cinematic Vampire boyfriend at tonight’s late showing of Eclipse at Chinook. (In all seriousness, I will be wearing a very understated ‘I’m in love with a fictional vampire’ t-shirt. There is a hard-core tween living in this early-thirties body!)
And it looks like I’m not alone in understanding the romantic advantages of an immortal blood-sucking boyfriend. But since I am, sigh, married—I will pass along the ultimate guidebook for those seeking out a date with the undead.
Besides being laugh-out-loud hysterical, How to Catch and Keep a Vampire by vampire-dater Diana Laurence offers sage advice on nabbing you own Edward Cullen (Save your compromising for your mortal relationships. Seeing as how all vampires are over-achievers and flawless and all that, your odds of finding Mr. Right Vampire are much better than finding Mr. Right Mortal. When seeking a regular boyfriend you will no doubt need to compromise. If he is good with puns and can negotiate a grill, you should probably overlook his preference for dogs. There is no need to settle for less with vampires), case studies (Taming a Vampire: A Cautionary Tale) and all the answers to your burning vampire questions—Q: Can all vampires lift one eyebrow? A: I’ve never known one who couldn’t raise one eyebrow and lower the other in that incredibly hot way. They also lower their chins and look out the tops of their eyes very frequently, which is fine, because that trick never gets old. They also wear dress shirts with the cuffs turned up a lot.
So as my girlfriends and I count the hours to tonight’s big show (and subsequent weekend husband-drag), I’m sure I will see some of you there. And for those on the prowl for their own Edward, just remember Chapter 4's tip—don’t hunt after eating scampi.