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Distracted Daddy

About Distracted Daddy

Distracted Daddy is a working father with a two-year-old daughter, a focused wife and a flatulent pug. When he’s not distracted he blogs about poop, parenting and other things at distracteddaddy.com.

Creating a Faux (and Healthy) Cupcake

the fatherlode: cupcakes canada (Sep.01.11)    


In the late '90s, Magnolia Bakery in New York ignited a cupcake craze that spread across North America. Cupcakes became trendy, popular and expensive. It took some time but that trendiness has finally trickled down to the toddler set.

My daughter was recently introduced to cupcakes and like trying to shove toothpaste back into the tube, there’s no going back. She loves them.

We celebrated her second birthday with cupcakes instead of cake. It seemed fitting. Cupcakes are the toddler version of cake. Smaller, cuter, and messy.

A day or so after birthday numero deux, there was still one cupcake left. It was green. A “geen” cupcake. I let our daughter enjoy the treat. She ate the frosting quickly and let out numerous “yums” of appreciation.

When the frosting was finished, she asked for another cupcake. I tried to explain to her, that you have to eat the actual cake part. You know the bottom of the frosting. She took one bite of the actual cake and said, “No like it. More cupcake pease.”

To her the cupcake is the frosting.

She wanted nothing to do with the cake. Admittedly frosting is the tastier part. Some people, and I’m not naming names, but some people will eat frosting out of the can/bowl. However, cupcake etiquette requires eating the cake. You know, the baked good.

Whatever she thinks a cupcake is, our daughter knows that she always wants cupcakes.

Every day we hear the request for a cupcake. The questions of “what do you want for breakfast?” or “what do you want for dinner?” are inevitably answered with “cupcake” and a smile. Most mornings a simple “we don’t have any cupcakes, how about some toast/muffins/cereal/continental breakfast?” is enough to divert the cupcake cries.

Other mornings, nothing will dissuade her.

“CUP-CAAAAKEEE!"

“We don’t have any cupcakes.” 3…2…1, tantrum.

One morning nothing could solve this cupcake tantrum. Muffins were offered and rejected. Toast was ignored. Cereal was met with disdain. Nothing could solve this tantrum, nothing but a cupcake.

“You want a cupcake?” I asked as a last resort.

“Yes,” she responded in between her blubbery tears.

Daddy’s going to make you a cupcake. The tears were gone, she was ecstatic. Up to the kitchen I went to MacGyver a cupcake. There were no cupcakes in the house. The nearest trendy cupcakery wasn’t open at 7 am. I can’t bake. My wife’s the baker, I’m the candlestick maker. I improvised.

How to make a cupcake in one minute flat:

Step 1: Take an already baked whole-wheat-flax-carrot muffin.
Step 2: Locate jar of strawberry cream cheese.
Step 3: Place strawberry cream cheese on top of muffin in style of cupcake.
Step 4: Present “cupcake” to sad toddler.
Step 5: Success.

The faux cupcake was a hit. Take that Duff Goldman of Ace of Cakes or annoying guy from Cake Boss or star of the seven other inexplicable baking reality shows on televisions.

She devoured it. In between bites, she smiled and said, “cupcake!” She even ate the cake part. It was probably the healthiest cupcake ever created.

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