Ever since my miscarriage last fall, my husband Marc and I keep flipping back and forth on whether or not to try again for baby #2. This deliberation isn't new. We actually started the debate when my son Jack was 3 months-old and wailed uncontrollably in our ears. I remember we looked at each other and Marc said what I was thinking, "What the hell did we start here?" When we made the decision to have a family, I always assumed we'd have two kids. I liked the idea of three because that's what I came from. But when I realized that I'd have to go through pregnancy 3 times, I quickly dismissed the idea.
As time went on, Jack learned to sleep on schedule and has since become the most hilarious, adorable, lovable, edible little man that any parent could wish for. So why isn't it a no brainer to reproduce? For one, I feel like we hit the jackpot. Jack is healthy, easy-going and truly an incredible kid. The bar has been set pretty high for the next one.
So that got me thinking. How much of raising a child is nature vs. nurture? Are Marc and I responsible for making Jack what he is today or is he a product of something that we can't control? I like to believe it's a bit of both. I think babies pick up on their parents' vibe and the environment that's created for them. But I also think that babies are wired a certain way and are born with a predetermined disposition. So we have a good chance of having another great kid.
But doesn't it always seem to end up that if you have one easy going child your next one turns out to be like Chucky? Or worse, we could have twins! No disrespect to moms with multiples, but ever since I saw the movie "The Shining", my fear of twins runs deep. To me, twins always harmonize when they speak (which happens to be in tongues) and they're eerily waiting for me at the end of a long hallway. Can you see my conundrum?
My husband keeps reminding me that we have such a good thing now. (Funny, I don't hear him complaining from Day 10 to Day 20 of my cycle). And for the most part, I agree with him. I'm at my pre-pregnancy weight, I have the time and the brain cells to grow my business and Jack's at a great stage now. Granted our weekends consist of going to a different birthday party with really annoying entertainment. But at least it takes care of dinner for that night!
On the flip side, I can see how giving Jack a partner in crime can be amazing. Sure, the beginning stages are filled with "What the hell's" and "Why the f**ks". But if you can get past that and see the bigger picture, the indescribable joy and love that a child brings, makes it all worth it. (I think).
I believe you're dealt the cards you're meant to get in life. And each experience is there to teach and help you evolve. When we stop trying to control and analyze our lives and just be, that's when the magic happens. The key is to just make a decision and have faith that you'll be able to handle whatever comes your way.
So what will I do if we decide to have another baby and it turns out to be twins? We'll just have to move to a house with smaller hallways and pray that they're tone deaf.
After becoming a mom almost three years ago, Carly Cooper noticed many mothers struggling with guilty feelings, unrealistic expectations and the inability to balance it all. This inspired her to become a certified Life Coach for Moms and create www.balance-the-mother-load.com. Check back weekly to read her funny and honest views about the good, the bad and the hormonal sides of motherhood.