In my years of coaching moms and doing group presentations, there seems to be a recurring theme of husband bashing. I've heard things like "my lazy husband", "he's so useless" and "he just doesn't get it" tossed around more than a Caesar salad. True, there are some men out there who truly are clueless when it comes to what women want. I feel like I can speak for most women by saying that The Monster Truck Race isn't a "fun date place."
When it comes to marriage, I consider myself one of the lucky ones. Aside from the fact that I weigh more than my husband, our relationship is solid. Marc treats me with love and respect and he's an incredible, hands on father. And I'm not just saying that because he reads my blog. To have a healthy relationship, there must be give and take. And I like to believe that I make him feel just as appreciated for all that he does.
So how can you start to get your "useless, lazy, good for nothing, waste of space" husband to become a contributing member of your family?
Give up some of the control and let him parent his way. You heard me. If you ever want to pee alone again, trust me on this one. Having your kids eat cookies and corn dogs for dinner is a small price to pay for some much needed down time. (Just make sure he's on vomit duty should the high fructose meal make an encore presentation.)
True, in many cases we can do things faster, better and cleaner. But that doesn't mean you should. It's time to start empowering our men instead of enabling them. I'm terrible at math but here's an equation I understand. CONTROLLING BEHAVIOUR + ALWAYS SAVING THEIR ASS = MORE WORK FOR YOU. And if you make this a habit, your husband will start to say things like "You go out honey, I'll be happy to babysit." When this happens, you know you've been letting him off the hook for far too long. Newsflash -- He's also a parent. Let him be.
A little gratitude goes a long way too. Let's face it, as liberated women we can practically do it all. But why the hell would you want to? Does changing a light bulb really empower you? I had to shovel and salt my driveway twice this past winter because Marc was at a conference out of town. Sure it was a good workout, but so is doing sit ups in front of Desperate Housewives. (Or, better yet, just watching Desperate Housewives.)
We have to start to appreciate all the jobs that our men do.They may not all involve child care duties, but they are important nonetheless. Take a minute and think about all the things that get done around the house. If you're doing everything, you need to have a conversation with your man. NOW! But if he's the one taking out the garbage, recycling, killing spiders and shoveling the snow, take a minute and acknowledge his contribution. Then thank him for it.
We all work hard. We all have pressures and stress and feel overwhelmed from time to time. We need to stop criticizing and start complimenting each other on a job well done.
Here's another equation you need to understand.
DELEGATION + "ME" TIME = ONE HAPPY MOM. And let's face it, when you're happy, so is everyone else.
After becoming a mom almost three years ago, Carly Cooper noticed many mothers struggling with guilty feelings, unrealistic expectations and the inability to balance it all. This inspired her to become a certified Life Coach for Moms and create www.balance-the-mother-load.com. Check back weekly to read her funny and honest views about the good, the bad and the hormonal sides of motherhood.