For those of you who have followed my blog, you know that I'm a big fan of the "tough love" approach when it comes to parenting. I believe that if a child can understand what you're saying, he can learn to do things himself. Within reason of course. It's not like I have my son working in a sweat shop sewing me a new wardrobe. (If I don't even know how to use a sewing machine, is that really a fair demand?) As much as I would love to not be the reason that my son join a gang, I'd rather he occasionally "hate me" if it means he is learning to be a responsible and respectful adult.
Last night at dinner my son decided he didn't want to eat. I explained to him that dinner was the only time he'd get to eat that night and if he chose not to, he wouldn't get any food until breakfast. He told me he wasn't hungry and got up from the table. The way I look at it, there are three ways in which to handle this situation.
a) Keep asking him if he's hungry and make him whatever he wants whenever he wants it.
b) Say "Oh no you di-nt" and demand he lick his plate clean.
c) Allow him to make his own decision and let his hunger be the teacher.
I chose option c. No fight. No power struggle. And when my adorable, little "faster" told me he was hungry last night, I calmly explained to him why he wasn't allowed to eat until morning. Guess who ate a breakfast of champions today? Lesson learned and I still got my special cuddle this morning.
Have you ever thought about what you want your kids to be when they grow up? And I'm not talking about you living vicariously through them and hope that they become a heart surgeon or the wife of someone rich. I mean what kind of person do you want your kid to be in 20 years from now? Most parents will probably say "caring, respectful, and happy." But are you raising them that way now?
I speak with many moms with kids of all ages. I hear the frustration in your voices. I know about the guilt you feel. And I understand your struggle. You want to keep your kids happy and protect them from the evils of life. So you do everything you can to make sure they feel safe, secure and keep life as easy as possible. But no matter how much you do to sugar coat things for your kid, she's going to get disappointed and face rejection. And you're not always going to be there to pick up the pieces.
The best thing you can do is give her the tools to handle adversity. Show your kids unconditional love, support and respect. Give them choices and allow them to make the wrong ones every now and then. Giving your kids tough love now will make all the difference for you later when it comes to which nursing home they stick you in.
After becoming a mom three years ago, Carly Cooper noticed many mothers struggling with guilty feelings, unrealistic expectations and the inability to balance it all. This inspired her to become a certified Life Coach for Moms and create www.balance-the-mother-load.com. Check back weekly to read her funny and honest views about the good, the bad and the hormonal sides of motherhood.
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