About Carly Cooper
A certified Life Coach for Moms and creator of www.balance-the-mother-load.com, Carly Cooper’s blog offers helpful strategies for mothers struggling with guilt, unrealistic expectations and the inability to balance it all – with a generous dose of laughter.
Mother of Reinvention
balance the mother load canada
(Aug.18.09)
I was recently talking to a friend of mine who has a 7-month-old baby. We hadn't spoken in a while so we had a lot to catch up on. By the end of our conversation, I was ready to file a missing persons report. The ambitious, outgoing and hilariously funny girl I befriended years ago was gone. And the role of my friend is now being played by an anxious, guilt-ridden mom.
In my experience with coaching moms, the sad truth is that she seems to be the norm! I've spoken to women who before they had kids were successful, confident and intelligent. But after their babies were born, so were feelings of self-doubt, new insecurities and a boatload of guilt.
I know first hand how easy it is to lose yourself when you become a mom. When my son was 6 months-old, I still had about 20 pounds of baby weight to lose. I was too busy taking care of him and trying to do everything myself that there didn’t seem any time left for my well-being. I hated that I had more rolls than a bakery, but I didn't have the energy to do anything about it.
All that changed the day I went to the Gap to buy some "transitional" clothes. I felt it was time to trade in the elastic waist and get some pants that I had to zip up. I thought at the very least, I’d burn a few calories. I found a decent pair of cargos in a size that I thought would be too big. To my horror, the pants were so tight that for a minute I thought I was shopping at Baby Gap. I was mortified. I sat in the change room with my gut hanging over the unbuttoned waistline and tears in my eyes. Not only because the unforgiving pants were leaving painful imprints on my legs but also because I didn't recognize myself anymore. I was overweight, unmotivated and full of guilt. I was trying so hard to be everything to my son, that I became nothing to me. It was at that moment that I decided to channel my inner Madonna, the queen of reinvention, and reinvent myself. (Although I chose not to adopt a British accent or a child from Malawi).
Within 10 weeks, I lost all the extra weight, enrolled myself in school to become a Life Coach and became a balanced and guilt-free mom that I am still proud of today.
Do you need to reinvent yourself? Answer the following questions to find out.
- Are you the same person you were before you had kids? Are you better? Worse? If so, how?
- Are you proud of the mom you are now? If not, what kind of mom do you want to be?
To figure out what you need to change, try the steps below.
Step 1: Acknowledge that you need to do things differently.
- If you continue to put your needs last, how will that affect you?
- How will it affect your family?
Step 2: Determine the things that bring you the most happiness (apart from your family).
- What did you love to do before you had a baby?
- What excites you?
- If you had all the time in the world, what would you do?
- At the end of your life, what will you regret not having done?
- What are you really good at?
- What accomplishment will make you really proud of yourself?
Step 3: Discover how motherhood has changed you. Ask yourself:
- How do I perceive myself now that I'm a mom?
- Now that I'm a mom, how do I feel I should spend my time?
- In order to be a happy and balanced mom, what do I need most in my life right now?
What action are you ready to take today to reinvent yourself?
If you need any help figuring this stuff out, I would love to hear from you. Leave a comment below or email me any questions you might have. Your question (anonymous should you prefer it) might be answered in a future Balance the Mother Load post.
After becoming a mom almost three years ago, Carly Cooper noticed many mothers struggling with guilty feelings, unrealistic expectations and the inability to balance it all. This inspired her to become a certified Life Coach for Moms and create www.balance-the-mother-load.com. Check back weekly to read her funny and honest views about the good, the bad and the hormonal sides of motherhood.