Having a baby is a life and death situation. The birth of your child marks the end of who you once were. And unless you properly mourn this loss, you're in for a lot of heartache. It's unrealistic to think that you're going to bounce right back after having kids and resume the life you were once accustomed to. And I mean that physically, mentally and emotionally.
During pregnancy, it's hard to imagine what your new life will look like. Your time is still your own and if you need to crash on the couch and eat a pint of ice cream, who's going to dare stop you? But once your water breaks, so do those delusions of grandeur. Baby weight doesn't always melt away from breastfeeding, it's a struggle to find a work/life balance and this just in... babies cry. A lot.
Life is different with a kid in tow. But that doesn't mean that your life has to be over. You just need to create a new normal and embrace who you are now. In order to do that, you have to say goodbye to your former self once and for all and celebrate the new you. Here's how I've made my peace.
Goodbye energy. It was nice having you in my life. Perhaps one day we'll meet again but quite frankly the thought of that reunion exhausts me.
Goodbye perky boobs. We had some good times didn't we? Remember when I did the pencil test? You know the one. Where I tried to hold a pencil underneath you but it kept falling to the floor because you were so buoyant? Oh how we laughed. We're not laughing now. After my milk came in and then dried up, you became down. You've gotten so low that we can now hold an entire pencil case underneath you and it stays in place as if it were crazy glued. Sigh.
Goodbye flat stomach. You were looking good for a while and had some real potential before I went and ruined it by getting knocked up. Don't be too upset. My husband is the only one who's really going to see you and he watched my episiotomy. A little stomach jiggle isn't going to scare him.
Goodbye to my single friends. Even though I still love and value our friendship, unless you want to catch a matinee and go for the early bird special, we really can't continue to see each other. Unless of course you don't mind if I pass out mid-meal.
Goodbye spontaneity. There's a chance we can hook up again in about 18 years. But if my kid doesn't get into university, we're screwed. I'll get back to you on that.
Hello unconditional love. Until I became a mom, I only thought it was possible to feel this way about things with fur.
Hello sense of wonder. Clouds really are cool when you look at them with your kid.
Hello strength and courage. Before motherhood, the sight of blood, vomit and hospitals used to make me more knobby-kneed than a newborn calf. But after a lot of hypnotherapy and having no choice but to deal, I've managed to keep it together in times of need.
Hello self love. I now understand how important it is to take care of myself first, because it's not just about me anymore. And I know with full certainty that my son is happier and better off because of it.
There are definitely things I miss about my life, pre-baby. But once I stopped trying to be who I once was and began to embrace and accept who I am now, I can honestly say that I've never loved myself more. Dark circles and all.
What have you said goodbye or hello to since motherhood?
After becoming a mom almost 3 years ago, Carly Cooper noticed many mothers struggling with guilty feelings, unrealistic expectations and the inability to balance it all. This inspired her to become a certified Life Coach for Moms and create www.balance-the-mother-load.com. Check back weekly to read her funny and honest views about the good, the bad and the hormonal sides of motherhood.
Got a life question for Carly to answer? Leave a comment below.