About Carly Cooper
A certified Life Coach for Moms and creator of www.balance-the-mother-load.com, Carly Cooper’s blog offers helpful strategies for mothers struggling with guilt, unrealistic expectations and the inability to balance it all – with a generous dose of laughter.
Who's the Boss?
balance the mother load canada
(Nov.11.09)
Life with kids can sometimes feel like living in a dictatorship. Ironically, it's the ones who can't fully speak, that are calling all the shots. I've spoken to many moms who completely surrender their control and allow their little tyrants to oppress them. They do this thinking it's going to create peace and keep their kids happy. But the second these wretched rulers don't get what they want when they want it, beware. You can be faced with an all out civil war.
Earlier this year, my son Jack and I got into a power struggle of our own. He received his "big boy bed" and discovered that he wasn't confined to his crib anymore. He'd never tried to escape so this new found freedom was liberating. As a result, on the first day, he chose to exercise his right to skip his nap. I tried to explain to him that he doesn't get to drop his nap until he's 18. And only then we can vote on it. But to no avail.
That night, bath time looked very similar to my eyebrows before I get them threaded: hairy and very unruly. For 20 minutes I chased him around his room trying to catch him so I could get him undressed. He was fast, squirmy and impossible to capture. Kind of like a centipede on Red Bull.
The bath water was getting cold but my body temperature was on the rise. I managed to get his pants and diaper off narrowly missing getting clocked in the eye. But he flat out refused to take off his shirt. I took a deep breath and decided to change my strategy. What I was doing was clearly not working. So I stopped talking, looked at him and smiled. Through his tear soaked face, he started to laugh. I'm talking a full out guffaw. We spent the next few minutes in total hysterics. A welcome release for both of us.
When we calmed down, I decided to give him a choice. He could either take off his shirt and get in the bath, or go into the bath with his shirt on. He looked at me like I was confidently wearing a neon jumpsuit. I wanted him to experience what it would feel like to be in a wet T-shirt. (Hopefully he would find it uncomfortable and not be one of those annoying drunk frat boys in 15 years pouring water on a girl with low self-esteem). But more importantly, I wanted him to feel like he had some control in this situation.
It wasn't our best bath experience to date, but he did agree to step inside (with his T-shirt on) and stand while I quickly washed his body. Mission accomplished.
It's time to stop letting your kids push you around. Bring back the democracy by letting your kids be heard and allowing them to have choices. Be a strong but kind leader and set appropriate boundaries. Use your judgment when you feel it's time to bring out the big guns and lay down the law and when you feel like it's OK to "give in." Allow your kids to "win" every now and then so you can all live peacefully together.
What are your strategies for getting your kids to do what you want?
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