About Carly Cooper
A certified Life Coach for Moms and creator of www.balance-the-mother-load.com, Carly Cooper’s blog offers helpful strategies for mothers struggling with guilt, unrealistic expectations and the inability to balance it all – with a generous dose of laughter.
Are You Too Overprotective?
balance the mother load canada
(Feb.10.10)
This past week I registered my son for Kindergarten. I left my house feeling calm, care free and organized. But when I walked into the school, I felt like I was on the highly charged trading floor of the New York Stock Exchange. Emotions ran high as frazzled moms freaked out about the documentation they forgot to bring. Pens were flailing frantically trying to fill in the forms to ensure that their child be one of 156 kids to get into one of the 6 classes. (There were a total of 8 moms there).
A line was forming outside the principal’s office with manic mothers needing to ensure that their preschooler get in with a particular teacher. I wondered, "Did the other teachers have a prison record? Or worse, could they be new?" I even overheard a conversation with a mom telling her friend how she refused to bring her baby with her because she heard that "Norwalk" was going around. It was a P.D. day. There was not a germy, vomity child in sight.
Is it just me, or have parents become waaaaaaaaaay too overprotective these days?
I get the need to want the best for your kids. I even understand wanting to shelter them from any possible harm. The media has us believing that between our environment, the economy, the Internet and terrorism that our end is as inevitable as Avatar winning Best Picture. We're so overwhelmed by our scary, unpredictable world that we make up for it by trying to control the one thing we think we can. Our kids. Be that as it may, I believe that our controlling behaviour and overprotection is robbing our children of the major life lessons that will help them grow into healthy, well-adjusted adults.
Perhaps you grew up in a strict environment and want to give your children a better experience than you had. Or maybe you're giving all that you have to your kids to find your own fulfillment and purpose. While your intentions may be good, what you're creating instead are anxious, overprivileged children.
I believe it's the job of a parent to teach their kids the necessary skills so they can eventually leave the nest. That's hard to imagine when you look into the innocent eyes of your child now. But look at the big picture. Trying to shield your kids from the big bad world is not preparing them for reality. It's keeping them single, unemployed and a permanent resident in your house.
Parents today are too afraid to let their kids experience any kind of negative emotion or experience. Instead they overprogram, overindulge, overprotect and in order to alleviate some of their own guilt, overcompensate. Think about what's in their best interest. Not your own. It's time to let them fight their own battles, make mistakes, face rejection, feel boredom, experience setbacks and hear the word no. Expose them to the real world now while you're there to comfort them and explain the lesson. That doesn't mean create unnecessary hardship for them. It just means stop bailing them out when it naturally occurs.
Lead by example. Teach your kids to enjoy life, not to fear it. Let them see you having fun with your friends, going out with your partner, participating in your favourite hobby or working in a career that inspires you. If, however, you're feeling overwhelmed, over-programmed, and less than overjoyed, you need a bailout of your own. I'd love to help. (Click here to request a complimentary coaching consultation.)