Guest Blogger

This is the third of five Drop-In Centre guest posts by Leanne Shirtliffe of www.ironicmom.com over the month of March. Come back every Wednesday to get her humorous take on holidays big and small, real and made-up.

Tomorrow marks St. Patrick’s Day, a celebration I heard little of when I was young. My kids, however, know all about it. In spite of its Catholic origins, St. Patrick’s Day is now a secular-enough holiday to celebrate at school.

When Vivian and William were in Junior Kindergarten, they did a unit on St. Patrick’s Day and all things Irish. They counted four-leaf clovers and pots of gold, while the classroom supply of green crayons became as scarce as sunbathers in a Canadian winter.

They read books about leprechauns and planned how to trap them. One of their homework assignments was to try to trap a leprechaun at home.

“We’re supposed to do what?” I asked, unpacking half-eaten containers of yogurt from their lunch bags.

“Make a leprechaun trap,” Vivian repeated.

“And we can use whatever we want,” William added.

“This is something you can do with your father,” I said. I was busy with my own quest: locating William’s missing water bottle.

So Vivian and William, together with my husband, collected boxes, rulers, and string, and set about turning our living room into a giant leprechaun trap.

Later that night, when our kids were nestled all snug in their beds and visions of leprechauns danced in their heads, I hung up my work clothes. Upon entering my closet, I saw two sets of brand new children’s slippers, long forgotten stocking stuffers. Now, I knew I couldn’t be honest with my kids about these slippers: that Mommy had bought them to put in their stocking three months ago, so I opted to complicate one myth with another.

After ensuring William and Vivian were sleeping soundly, I snuck downstairs, destroyed the leprechaun traps, and left the slippers amidst the debris.

The next morning, our kids jumped on our bed, fresh from their sprint to see the living room carnage. “The leprechauns,” Vivian said, “we didn’t catch them--”

Vivian paused for a breath, which was William’s cue that he could finish her sentence. “But they left us slippers!”

Both kids held their slippers above their heads, proudly displaying them. It was a successful re-gifting of sorts, until the next year, when they wondered what the leprechauns were going to give them this time.

“Nothing,” I explained. “Leprechauns only leave gifts for four-year-olds.”

Whether you’re setting traps, lying, or searching for the colour green, Happy St. Patrick’s Day. 

Leanne Shirtliffe is the mother of six-year-old twins, William and Vivian, also known as Thing One and Thing Two. Leanne lives by the motto, "If you can't laugh at yourself, laugh at your kids." When she's not telling her children to stop licking a frozen flagpole, she's writing and teaching teens. She blogs at IronicMom.com. Follow her on Twitter @ironic_mom.