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Is it Wrong to Compliment Little Girls?
drop-in centre: little girls and self esteem canada
(Jul.13.11)
Mia learns the intricacies of how to talk to little girls.
I was visiting with a 3-year-old girl on the weekend and our conversation went a little like this:
Me: Hello, [little human being].
Little girl: ...Hiiiiii
Me: How are you?
Little girl: ...Fiiiiiine
Me: Good...I like your dress.
What else could I say? She gave me very little to work with.
Apparently there was much more I could have said, and should have said. On Monday morning a coworker forwarded me an article by Lisa Bloom, author of Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, about the way we speak to little girls and the negative consequences it has on their self awareness. It's easy to compliment little girls. For starters, their cuteness is enough to force even the coldest soul into high-pitched cooing. Secondly, talking to kids can sometimes feel awkward, and complimenting their little dresses and little noses and little everything seems like an easy conversation starter. Reading Bloom's article had me stop and consider how a seemingly harmless compliment can manifest itself over time.
The last thing I wanted was for this little girl who was undeniably adorable, but also bright, charming, clever and quite funny, to go on thinking that her looks were all I noticed. After years of my own insecurities, I know how important it is to find confidence in who you are, beneath all the beauty products and clothing.
Bloom suggests asking little girls about what they're reading, their likes and dislikes and what they think of the world around them — things I rarely remember being asked about as a kid.
I thrived on compliments as a young teen. They gave me assurance that I was appreciated and fit in, but I wonder if I would have needed that assurance had I been more confident in who I was, and less concerned about how I appeared. When I was asked about what I thought of something, I recall feeling incredibly important. In retrospect those moments gave me more confidence than a compliment on my appearance ever did.
So the next time I hit that awkward pause in conversation with a little girl, as easy as it may be to gush over her cute little curls and sweet little sandals, I'll take the time to get to know her, and show her how much her opinions matter.
Do you agree that compliments undervalue little girls? What are your tips for talking with kids?
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