There are always tears at Christmas time when one child gets a present that they’ve been dreaming of and the other gets something "too babyish." How can we calm them down and reduce the present rivalry?
Michelle M. emailed us at expert@sweetspot.ca, and parenting expert, Catherine Wakelin, answered;
If you have more than one child, you probably have instances of sibling rivalry in your family. Yet during holiday gift giving, sibling rivalry can become particularly intense. Children are acutely sensitive to their own perceptions of fairness and, if a sibling appears to be favoured, feelings of jealousy can flare in an instant. Here are some tips to help keep things calm.
- Buy with care: Ensure you know what gifts your child really wants. A child’s list of gift ideas usually includes much of what they have recently heard about or seen on TV. Ask each child to identify one or two gifts that would be considered extra special – never assume that you already know. Then ensure that each child receives something from their own extra-special list.
- Set expectations: Make sure your children understand that their gifts have been specially selected just for them. Buying the same gifts for all kids rarely is satisfying. If you have a relative that often buys gifts that are not well-received, remind your kids of this in advance so they are prepared. Coach them to smile sincerely and thank the relative for whatever they may receive.
- Focus your kids on giving: Once you know what your children want, shift the emphasis to giving. Actively involve your children in the processes of giving to others – making gifts, choosing gifts and giving to charity.
- Catch problems early: As gifts are being opened, keep an eye open for problems. If there are any feelings of disappointment, acknowledge them and then re-focus the child on gifts that were well-received and on giving out gifts to others.
A little time spent considering these tips can help make the holidays more enjoyable for the whole family.
Catherine Wakelin is a professional facilitator, speaker and mother of 12-year-old twins. Learn more about her new book Talk about Anything with Your Kids and sign-up for Parenting Tips ezine at www.talkaboutanything.ca.
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