Every time I tell my daughter it’s time to go to bed, or brush her teeth, or get up, or go somewhere, she makes a huge fuss. Is there any way to avoid the tantrums at transition time?
Natalia O. emailed us at expert@sweetspot.ca, and Clinical Psychologist Dr. Jessica Cooperman, answered;
One of the challenges of early childhood is learning how to adjust to change – even if it means stopping something really fun and moving onto something else.
As they grow, toddlers are beginning to feel more confident in their abilities to affect the world and express themselves. With this comes a greater desire for control. While you want them to learn to follow your lead, they want to dig in their heels and do as they please.
Here are a few strategies to help avoid this potential battle of wills:
Transitional warnings
Rather than ask your child to adjust immediately to a change, provide her with a warning. A heads-up gives her a few minutes to complete what she’s doing and adjust to the idea of moving on.
- “In five minutes, it will be time to tidy up the toys.”
- “In five minutes, we will be getting ready for bed.”
- “This is our last story before lunch.”
Limited Choice
Offer some limited amount of choice: If you need your child to complete a series of tasks, allow her to choose what comes first.
- “It’s time to get ready for bed. What do you want to do first? Brush your teeth? Make a pee? Get into your pajamas?"
Making tasks more fun
There is a better chance of having your child move on if she feels the next activity is in some way rewarding (however, this isn’t always possible).
- ”We need to tidy up the toys because it’s time for bed. I have a new library book to read to you once you’re ready.”
- “Let’s see how quickly you can get ready for bed.” [Use a timer and try to beat last night’s time.]
- “When you get ready quickly for bed without complaints, you can stay up an extra five minutes before bed.” [Note the use of “when” rather than “if.” “If” is tentative – children have the option of choosing not to comply. “When” assumes compliance.]
Dr. Jessica Cooperman is a clinical psychologist working in private practice in Toronto as well as at a hospital in York Region. In her other life, Dr. Cooperman is trying to implement her own advice as she negotiates the challenging role of Mom to a toddler and preschooler. For more information, please contact Dr. Cooperman at dr.cooperman@sympatico.ca.
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**The information above is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for the advice provided by your physician or other healthcare professional.