How much do we really know about ‘sharing’? We asked Sara Wise McDonald, Registered Early Childhood Educator, BA Hons in Sociology, M Ed in Curriculum Studies & Teacher Development, and this is what we learned:
The idea of sharing assumes that the child has the ability to acknowledge other people, empathize, and make a rational decision based on equity. This is usually not possible for a child of 12 months, 24 months, even three years a lot of the time.
Sharing abstractly implies that two people can have "it" at once (like sharing an ice cream sundae). This usually cannot happen with children's toys, so sharing comes to mean, you have it, I want it, I'm taking it, we shared. Or you have it, I want it, you're not giving it to me, you're not sharing. Between not being developmentally equipped to understand the desires of others (empathy) and often unreasonable expectations laid out by parents trying to project their own ideals, "be a good boy and share your toys", it's an impossible task on all fronts.
Taking turns is concrete language that parents can scaffold to have meaning later in the child's life - when he or she is developmentally "ready".
“Right now it is Johnny’s turn with the ball (you can't have it), but when he's done it will be your turn (so you CAN have it).“ Just make sure you always follow through!
Parents usually need to just accept their 18-month – 3 year old's autonomous or "selfish" phase, realize that it's all perfectly appropriate and not a poor reflection on them, learn, love and live the "redirection" strategy"ooooh, look at THIS train!!" (Taking full advantage of their child’s short attention spans.)
And when they look for a playgroup or nursery school make sure the toddler room has two of everything.
How have you handled the concept of ‘sharing’ with your own children?
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