There’s a lot of differing opinion on whether or not saying ‘no’ is ok when it comes to our kids. So we asked expert Sara Wise McDonald, Registered Early Childhood Educator, BA Hons in Sociology, M Ed in Curriculum Studies & Teacher Development, to weigh in on the subject:
A lot of the time it seems that for whatever reason (guilt, not wanting to seem “mean”) parents and caregivers don’t want to say “no” to a child. As long as “no” does not come to mean, “because I said so”, merely to exert your authority, knowing that “no” is an actual possibility is an important lesson for a child in terms of boundaries and comfort.
Children like boundaries - not to be confused with constraint or confinement (literally or figuratively). Children feel safe when their world is predictable and they can exist within reasonable limits while being emotionally and physically supported by trustworthy adults. You will not break their hearts or give them ammunition for future therapy sessions if you say “no, you can’t do, have, eat, climb, touch that” once in a while.
It’s always a good idea, to follow up by telling the child what the CAN do, eat, climb, touch i.e. redirection. Redirection, which involves literally redirecting the child to a more desirable or safe toy, apparatus, etc., allows the child to feel successful (as presumably he/she will be redirected to something more appropriate) while implying boundaries. It begins in infancy, becomes the-name-of-the-game in toddlerhood and gets solidified in the preschool years, so that when the child has the verbal skills, intellect and ability to reason (that is to say, talk back), “no” is not a foreign concept. Also, redirecting by offering the child choices allows him/her to feel like they get to call the shots, although it is clear that the choices provided are up to the adult.
Use this tool appropriately, not everything is a choice. Along with creating boundaries and offering choices within which a child can feel safe, successful and independent it is important that the child know that you, the adult, have the final say. It may involve tears or unpleasantness, but you will have taught your child that he/she is not in charge - a burden no young child should have to carry. Do you agree? Do you use the ‘no’ word with your kids? Log in and let us know!
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