About Sweetmama Editor
Nadine Silverthorne’s love of journaling began in Grade One with the entry, “I am the greatest dancer!” Two babies (and countless diaper changes) later, she has found her home away from home as editor of SweetMama. Don’t miss her humorous bi-weekly accounts of the joys and pains of working while raising them fabulous.
Married... with Children
silver spoons canada
(Feb.08.10)
Marriage is the hardest thing I've ever accomplished (yes, even harder than motherhood). Correction: Being happily married with kids is the hardest thing I've ever accomplished. Quite frankly, without the regular opportunities for romance (and sex), without the constant "painting the town red"... the relationship transforms into a task-based partnership. It revolves around duties and who didn't do what and who got more sleep last night. It is constant work to make sure you are both happy and being heard. Often, it's downright exhausting.
So I'm up for any suggestions that come my way. I recently received some tips on having a strong marriage (though they could be applied to any long-term relationship) from Terri L. Orbuch, Ph.D., the author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great that I thought I'd share (and weigh in on at the end). Here are Ten Ways to Say "I love you".
1. Send an email or text message out of the blue: “Here’s just one reason I love you . . .”
2. Put a greeting card in the mail. Mail from a spouse is always a surprise.
3. Slip a handmade coupon on his or her pillow—for a foot massage from you, performing a hated chore, washing the car, etc.
4. Make a reservation at the restaurant where you had your first date.
5. Make your spouse a CD collection of the music you first listened to and loved together.
6. Make your partner his or her favorite dinner or dessert.
7. Read a morning love poem to your partner while he or she is still in bed.
8. Have your favorite photo of you two framed or transferred onto a coffee mug.
9. Send his or her parents a thank-you note for bringing your beloved into the world.
10. Buy a DVD on massage and tell your spouse to schedule an appointment.
I think many of these tips are sweet and would generally be a nice thing to do (or receive for that matter), but I'm a cynical city girl, so some of them are harder to imagine. Coach Carly always suggests a mailed card celebrating the things you love about your partner, and I like the idea. But a thank-you note to my in-laws? Blurgh. Not my style (nor are coupons).
I will say that I recently cleared off my nightstand and made room for a framed photo of the two of us in our first year of dating, and it's made both of us happy to look at. It reminds us of who we were to each other once and inspires us to try again.
What are your secrets to a great long-lasting relationship? I'd love to hear them (and potentially add them to my toolbox!).
Excerpted from 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great by Terri L. Orbuch, Ph. D. Copyright © 2009 by Terri L. Orbuch, Ph. D. Excerpted by permission Delacorte , a division of Random House of Canada Limited. All rights reserved.