About Sweetmama Editor
Nadine Silverthorne’s love of journaling began in Grade One with the entry, “I am the greatest dancer!” Two babies (and countless diaper changes) later, she has found her home away from home as editor of SweetMama. Don’t miss her humorous bi-weekly accounts of the joys and pains of working while raising them fabulous.
The New Gender Grey Area
silver spoons: accepting gender issues in children canada
(Jun.13.11)
An interesting story on boys who like to dress like girls (and vice versa) ran in the Style section of the New York Times over the weekend. While weaving through interviews of various families who are facing this challenge, the author, Jan Hoffman, highlighted the fact that modern parents seem to be more accepting of this behaviour than their predecessors.
"For generations, parents who saw their toddler boys put on tutus or play with dolls would either ignore the behavior as a phase, or reflexively repress it. But in recent years, more parents have chosen the approach taken by Harry’s mother and father. Rather than looking away, they are trying to understand their toddler’s unconventional gender behavior, in order to support it and prepare for what they fear could be a life of challenges."
A quick glimpse at the media landscape confirms this theory. Recently, we told you about the Toronto family, who caused a stir after an article on their decision to keep their baby's gender to themselves went viral. It seemed like the world was debating many things about this family, including whether their oldest son, Jazz, should be allowed to keep his hair long, or wear skirts and pink.
The criticism isn't limited to ordinary families. Superstar couple Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt often get called out in the media for their decision to let their daughter Shiloh cut her hair short and wear mostly what are deemed "boy clothes." And not too long ago, J. Crew's creative director, Jenna Lyons, took heat for sending out a photo of her painting her son's toes pink.
So what's the big deal?
If you're a parent, probably not that much. While no one wants their child to face an extra dollop of adversity, we are also a generation of parents intent on seeing our children for who they really are and loving them no matter what. But when you're not the one confronting this dilemma... well, people get really angry when facing gender issues they can't control, understand or explain.
The other side of the coin of course, is that perhaps we are too accepting. Are we too eager to accept our children as different, instead of trying to sway their behaviours around gender into more traditional roles?
I don't have the answer, and the truth is, no one really does until the day they have to face it. I did once bemoan my daughter's tomboy tendencies. And when she finally gender identified as a girl (around age 2) and became obsessed with princesses, I worried about the damage that might cause too. That's the thing about parenting: you are going to worry unnecessarily and make mistakes. All you can really do to survive is love your children unconditionally and hope for the best.
In the meantime, I highly recommend that anyone struggling with how they feel about this new gender grey area watch the 1997 French film, Ma Vie En Rose. which tackles this heavy subject in a creative and compassionate way (bring the tissues).
What do you think? Are modern parents too accepting of children experimenting of gender? Or are we doing the right thing?
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