About Rebecca Eckler
Since becoming pregnant with her daughter Rowan, Canadian journalist and author Rebecca Eckler has penned three hilarious books, including the best-selling Knocked Up. Catch Rebecca’s weekly unique perspective on motherhood and single parenthood.
The Silver Lining of Divorce
eckler plus one canada
(Aug.27.09)
It’s amazing how much a single mother can get done when no longer a single mother. I’m still a single mother, just one without a child.
For almost three weeks now, my daughter has been visiting her father in Calgary. This is the longest she has spent away from me. There are two very different reactions from mothers, when I tell them my daughter is gone.
The first reaction is, “You are so lucky to get a break! I’m so jealous!”
The second is, “You must miss her so much. I could never do that..”
The first week was extremely hard. The day after she left, as I was about to interview Margaret Atwood, my mother called. “I just want to make sure you’re not lonely,” she said. “Do you want to come for dinner?”
Atwood was standing behind me. “Mother, I’m in the middle of work. Can I call you back?” I glanced at Atwood and whispered into the phone. “And, no, mom, it’s okay. I don’t want to sleep over at your house.”
The first week was lonely. I called my daughter three times a day, made her father send me hourly photos. I learned to sleep without my daughter’s leg over my face. I turned on Treehouse just so I could hear the theme, “You’re watching Treehouse!” I sniffed her pillows. I talked to her stuffed animals.
By the second week, I made plans to meet a friend for an early drink, used to my routine with a child at home. We were having a great time. I looked at my watch. “I should go,” I said.
Then I realized… I didn’t have to go anywhere! I didn’t have my baby to rush home to, so I could see her face before she fell asleep. I didn’t have to get up early to feed my daughter breakfast.
“Wait a minute,” I told my friend. “I don’t HAVE to go anywhere! Let’s get another drink.”
It hit me. For the first time in almost six years, I had freedom, as close to the freedom I used to feel when I was in my twenties, before I got knocked up.
By week three, I was making nightly plans, my refrigerator was empty, I was sleeping in until 10 a.m., and I loved the fact that I wasn’t finding crayons everywhere I looked. It was just like the old days!
I still talked to my daughter two times a day, but, my lord, it’s amazing what one can get done without a child around. Don’t get me wrong, I rather have her with me, than not, but, because I know my daughter is in good hands, I didn’t even have to worry all that much about her. (With her father, two adoring grandparents, and our former Calgary nanny, who is like a family member, my daughter had more protection than the President of the United States.)
So, I got my house re-painted. I redid my daughter’s room. I also got rid of all her ugly clothes and stupid toys that I couldn’t get rid of if she was with me. I opened and paid bills.
I didn’t have to worry about snacks and baths. The only person I had to worry about was me!
My daughter is coming back tomorrow. The only plans I’ve made for the foreseeable future are, once again, playdates.
As one of my friends says about sharing custody, “It’s the silver lining of divorce.”