Rebecca Eckler

I’m so falling behind with my invitations. The Pay-Back Invite, that is. I’m sure all you mothers dealing with play dates know what I’m talking about. 

It’s getting worse as my daughter gets older, because she’s now into sleepovers.

My question is: Just because your child is invited over to play, or sleep over, do you HAVE to do the return invite? (I know. I know. You kind of do….but…)

I ask for a couple of reasons. One, sometimes I just don’t like the child that my daughter had a play date with. If someone invites my daughter over, and she wants to go, of course I’ll let her go. But does that mean that even if the child is a complete nightmare, I have to invite that child to my house? I have no idea? Help!

I know one mother is probably waiting for me to invite her daughter over, since she had my daughter over and fed her dinner, which was nice of her. But I don’t like how this kid treats my daughter (and neither does my daughter really). But etiquette would say I should do the Pay Back Invite, even if this child bullies my daughter around. 

My daughter has also been invited to a sleepover – TWICE NOW – at one of her friend’s house. I love this little friend, so I’d be more than happy to do the Pay Back Invite. The problem is, I’m only one person, and I’m not sure if I could manage two children all by myself just yet, especially overnight. (I know there are a lot of single mothers who have more than one child. Let me just say, I admire you.)

Plus, my daughter’s friend has a movie theatre IN HER HOUSE and 24-hour nanny care. Frankly, if I were my daughter’s friend, I wouldn’t want to leave her house to sleep at mine. But this mother knows that I’m a single mother, so she’s more than happy to have my daughter go there. Which I am so grateful for.

One of my best friends always has my daughter over to her house for playdates. I owe her like about 20 invites to come over to my place. However, she has two children and it really does make it easier for me to bring Rowan over there, so she doesn’t have to bring two kids to my place. She knows this. But, still, I do feel guilty that they never come over, even if all involved agree it’s easier for everyone to go to their place.

Also, I’ve realized I need to step up my game. Meaning, I have to have wine on hand and adult snacks. I’m such a disorganized woman. I can’t really offer guests anything. 

It seems to me that whenever I pick Rowan up at someone’s house, they’re always offering me wine or have put out a cheese and cracker plate. Trust me, if I invite your child over, your child will be fed, but the only thing I’ll be offering you is Kraft Dinner or Ketchup.

What’s your etiquette when it comes to Pay Back Invites for your children?