About Rebecca Eckler
Since becoming pregnant with her daughter Rowan, Canadian journalist and author Rebecca Eckler has penned three hilarious books, including the best-selling Knocked Up. Catch Rebecca’s weekly unique perspective on motherhood and single parenthood.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about how I worried I was turning into one of those despicable stage mothers. That’s because my daughter had to audition for something that I really, really, REALLY wanted her to get into.
Guess what? She got in! The audition was for a class at the National Ballet School of Canada. But I’m not here to brag (Ok, maybe a little…) I’m here today to write more on the sentence in my first paragraph which, in case you’ve already forgotten, read, “I really, really, REALLY wanted her to get in.”
Now, I know it’s wrong to force or hope that your child(ren) live out unfulfilled fantasies, or dreams of your own. I THINK it’s wrong, that is. But how can we help it? For me, I never took ballet lessons. (And I definitely regret it, because my friends who DID take ballet as kids are still so damn flexible today.)
I think this was mostly because my mother was overwhelmed with four children, all within 18 months apart. Or maybe it had to do with money. (I did have piano lessons. I did have a lot of art lessons. I did get to go to overnight camp. I did go to university. So, don’t get me wrong. I didn’t suffer.)
But I didn’t get singing lessons (so there went my dream to be a rock star) and I didn’t get drama lessons (there went my dream to be an actress) and I certainly never got the opportunity to be the next Karen Kain. So I couldn’t HELP but sign my child up for singing lessons and I really want her to study at the top ballet school in the country. I. Just. Couldn’t. Help. It.
So, is it wrong to live vicariously through your child? Probably. But I also live vicariously through Lady GaGa, so what the hell?
Here are a list of things I hope to live through my daughter one day… (All, of course, unfulfilled dreams of mine.)
1) I hope she studies abroad. I hope, especially, she studies in New York. (So I can visit.)
2) I hope she wants to take a year off and play around for a year in Bali. (So I can visit.)
3) I hope she lives in Paris for a year. (So I can visit.)
4) I hope she has an amazing singing voice, and can play a lot of instruments REALLY WELL. (I wouldn’t mind if she was a rock star!)
5) I hope she knows, and feels, that she is ALWAYS beautiful and is never insecure.
6) I hope she can learn to skateboard. (And teach me!)
7) I hope she is an awesome surfer. (So we can surf together!)
8) I hope she LOVES to dance, especially modern dance. (My favourite kind of dance.)
9) I hope she ends up taller than 5’2 (and a half).
Perhaps we can’t help but live vicariously through our child(ren) not just because we never got around to doing these things ourselves, but because we didn’t have the opportunity to do it. (Our lives just didn’t go in that direction.)
Share your dreams for your children that you wish to vicariously live through, wrong or not! (And BRAG if you want, too!) Most of all, of course, I hope she’ll always be happy.
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