About Rebecca Eckler
Since becoming pregnant with her daughter Rowan, Canadian journalist and author Rebecca Eckler has penned three hilarious books, including the best-selling Knocked Up. Catch Rebecca’s weekly unique perspective on motherhood and single parenthood.
People said it would happen. Three years ago (or is it more?) when the fiancé and I decided to separate and I was at a very low point in my life, everyone said, “Don’t worry, in a few years all your friends will be divorced too.”
I took little solace in those words. Now it IS actually a few years later and it REALLY is happening. Almost every day, I’ll hear about a couple splitting up. Recently, a good friend of mine (recently separated) was fixed up with a man I went to camp with (also recently separated). My friend at the gym recently announced her separation. Wait…make that TWO friends I have at the gym are divorcing.
Then I have a few friends thinking about leaving their partners. For some reason, they come to me for advice. The thing is, I have no advice.
Every relationship is different. So don’t bother asking me if I think it’s the right thing to do. I do know that if you’ve been miserable for years, then it’s something you have to think about. But is it your partner that’s making you miserable? Or is it something else? How much are you willing to work on your relationship? Should relationships be so much work? I can’t decide that for you.
I want all my friends to be happy, but I certainly can’t tell them if they’ll be happier separated or not.
And, sadly, just because so many people I know are getting divorced, it doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me sad because divorce is rough. It’s emotionally rough. It’s stressful. If you have children, the person you want to divorce is always going to be in your life. You always have to be nice, even if your ex pisses you off and you don’t understand why she/he does the things they do. (For example, when my ex is in town, we always get together for dinner with our daughter, to show that we get along, which, for the most part, we luckily do.)
I also just can’t figure it out why people divorce when they do. I get extremely sad when I hear about people divorcing late in life. I think to myself, “But you just wasted 30 years with that person! Why didn’t you get out earlier?” But maybe I should be happy for them. “You got out. Better late than never. Life is long.”
Being in a shitty relationship sucks. Being divorced sucks. There are always regrets in every decision. I asked my therapist recently, “What is the point of life?” I actually asked that. Not in a suicidal way, but I really wanted to know what the point is. He answered, “To be happy.”
If you want to take his advice, if you’re thinking of getting divorced, fine by me. The only advice I can give you is the number to a divorce lawyer. And I don’t even like her that much.
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