About Rebecca Eckler
Since becoming pregnant with her daughter Rowan, Canadian journalist and author Rebecca Eckler has penned three hilarious books, including the best-selling Knocked Up. Catch Rebecca’s weekly unique perspective on motherhood and single parenthood.
By ALL accounts, my daughter seems to be more than fine growing up with parents who are not together. She is always happy, does well in school, is interested in everything, and is never afraid to ask questions. We are super close.
I’ve thought numerous times how nice it would be to have a man around – for me. God knows my male friends, my brothers, even my Ex, have stepped in to do things for me like helping me buy a computer, changing light bulbs, telling me who to call when my roof leaks, carrying bags of driveway salt in winter for me from my trunk to my front door, and changing my wind shield fluid. (And thank God for my daughter’s male teachers who help her put on skates!)
But I never thought that not having a man around affected my daughter. Until recently. We were on vacation in the Caribbean. The resort featured a beautiful beach, with a trampoline out in the ocean, which you had to swim to.
I’m a pretty strong swimmer, and my daughter is a good swimmer – for being all of seven. But the currents were quite strong, and I worried whether I was strong enough to help her get out there.
She is too big now for me to carry. I’m only 5’2. She already almost reaches my shoulders. Still, we ventured out, with me pushing her butt, every few seconds, as we swam to the trampoline through heavy currents. It was so much fun, once we got to the trampoline. We both felt supremely proud of ourselves!
But I looked around as my daughter jumped on the trampoline. There were children being thrown around in the ocean by their fathers. There were children on their father’s shoulders, shrieking at the waves. The fathers would toss their laughing children into the water, time and time again.
To be honest, I felt a little bit upset about this. I don’t need a man, but it certainly would be nice to have had a strong pair of shoulders. There is no way I can lift my daughter on my shoulders and toss her around. Yes, my daughter was perfectly happy. She knows, because I’ve told her, that I can’t lift her on my shoulders and toss her around. But I would have loved to hear her shrieking happily, being tossed into the water. And it’s not exactly something you can ask a strange man to do. (Can you imagine? “Hi, yeah, excuse me, but I’m a single mother, would you mind taking my daughter out in the water and throwing her around?” Yeah, not happening!)
All this time, I’ve been worrying about emotions, when really I should have been worrying about the physical aspect of not having a Strong Daddy around.
I worried if she was missing out, not being tossed around in the ocean, like a football. My daughter will be traveling with her father during March break to a warm climate. I will make sure to tell him to throw her around A LOT, because it’s the one thing I can’t do with her.
Tell me, especially you single mothers, or mothers who are mostly solo with your children – what’s the thing you miss the most about not having a man around?