Rebecca Eckler

About Rebecca Eckler

Divorced people with children, I need your help! I recently went on a four-day getaway with a friend to celebrate her 40^th birthday. We had a great time.

Well, she did. I mostly had a great time, but I missed my daughter so much it hurt. I looked forward to talking to her each day. The problem is (and I’ll admit, it is a problem maybe of my doing) that I don’t know how many times to call her when I’m not with her.

At first, I thought that three times a day was pretty good. I was in Jamaica and I thought it would be nice to talk to her first thing in the morning, once in the afternoon, and once before she went to bed. She was in great hands, with her father, but I’m not sure calling her three times a day was the best idea. I mean, I could talk to her 12 times a day. But that would be really annoying. It was even annoying to her father that I called three times a day, which I get, because I was interrupting their time together.

And, sometimes, when I called her, she would get upset because she heard my voice and would start to miss me. I know she was probably having a great time, not thinking about me at all, until I called. And though she wanted me to call every three hours, and asked me too, I’m not sure it worked out all that well. The thing is, I miss her. She misses me. I would love it if she just called me when she felt like it, so I wouldn’t be interrupting her fun. But when you’re out of the country, you can’t have your phone on all the time (think of te bills!), so this holiday season, when she is going off to spend ten days with her father, I’m going to have to really try my very best to only talk to her ONCE a day (maybe twice if I’m really missing her).

But I think once a day is fair for everyone. I get to hear my daughter’s voice. My daughter gets to hear my voice. And I won’t be interrupting her quality time with her father. Like I said, I know she’s in good hands, so that’s not what I worry about. In fact, I don’t really worry. I just really, really want to hear her voice. But not to the extent of upsetting her when she hears my voice and starts to miss me.

When I travel with my boyfriend, he doesn’t seem to be all that affected not talking to his children every day. Not that he doesn’t love them more than anything, but he just seems to understand better than I that they are with their mother and that’s that. So how many times is too many times to call your child(ren) when you’re not with them? How do you work out how many times and what time of day is best to call your child when you’re apart from them? It’s brutal to me knowing it is probably best for me to only speak with her once a day. But I am strong. I am. I AM.

And it will be good practice for when she goes to overnight camp and I won’t be able to speak to her at all. Sigh.

What are your thoughts?