There are good Santas and there are bad Santas, and for the first time, I watched my daughter sit on a bad Santas’ lap. When I say “Bad Santa” I mean “totally clueless” Santa.
Santa, of course, asked my daughter what she wanted for Christmas. I, of course, huddled close by so I could hear her answers. “I want a dog,” my daughter said. She has been begging for a dog for a while now, and I’ve always put it off. I think she thought she could get away with getting a dog for Christmas because she was asking Santa and she knows she has been a good girl, and don’t good girls get what they want from Santa?
But I was shocked when this Santa said: “Well, a dog! That sounds like a great present from Santa! Ho Ho Ho!” So I had to have a word with Santa, which was tricky, because my daughter was sitting on his lap in front of me.
“Santa! Don’t you think that it’s going to be kind of hard for you to bring a dog down a chimney?” He continued to look at me clueless. So I continued. “And don’t you think that maybe a better time to get a dog would be in the spring?” I blinked meaningfully at Santa. I mean, what was wrong with this guy? Santa just sat there looking stumped!
So I said, “Well, she really likes music. How about a guitar or violin or something?” All the while, my daughter was watching me barter with Santa, trying to figure out what was going on. Finally, finally, Santa got that mommy didn’t want a dog just yet, even if he had the cutest little girl on his lap asking him for one.
I know, I know. Santa shouldn’t and doesn’t want to come across as The Bad Guy. And I certainly don’t want to come across as The Bad Mother. But the thought of getting a dog over Christmas is a little bit impossible, since we’ll be in Jamaica. And I really don’t want to have to train a dog in winter.
“A guitar!” Santa finally said. “That sounds like a great idea.” I pushed it further.
“Don’t you love music Santa?”
“Oh, yes, I do!”
I turned to my daughter. “What do you think about Santa’s idea for a guitar?” And then Santa jumped in, “with some lessons!” I’m like, “Dude! Whose side are you on here?” And, also, what is your training?
I mean, how many dreams are you crushing by saying, “oh a dog would be a wonderful gift” to children whose parents can’t take care of a dog, or may be allergic to dogs? Doesn’t Santa know that parents end up taking care of dogs more than the kids sitting on their laps?
Did this Santa not have kids? And who was he to suggest the additional guitar lessons? (Although I know she will need them, but does he know that we can’t possibly fit guitar lessons in right now?) My daughter actually really liked the idea of getting a guitar, thank god. And, thanks to Santa, I’m now going to have to shell out for lessons too.
Have you ever wondered if Santa’s should be trained more? Do you have any funny stories of what your children asked for while on Santa’s lap? Did Santa agree when he shouldn’t have? Share!
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